Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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