Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
