do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
