I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
MIDGETS
????
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
