Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
