Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
