Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
