How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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