Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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