You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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