Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
