Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
