just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
