And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
