I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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