she woke up with a sticky ear
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
