I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
