A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
