your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize