I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she smelled like a LAN party
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everclear isn't food dammit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
