he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My balls are so social today.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
