dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
