So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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