Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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