i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
