woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This house was built for laser tag.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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