The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
