Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
