Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
