I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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