i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
