Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
