If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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