you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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