i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
