Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize