i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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