Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
