Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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