I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
