I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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