he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
