After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
