He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
