Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
