great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened