hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.