Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
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they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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