The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
