Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize