So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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