i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
