What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize