Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
