I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
