Umm I'm too high to move.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas