I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.