Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.