oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO