Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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