just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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