I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
