I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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