Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's blow job season.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
