Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
