Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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