I hate your face
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
