How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
