My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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